YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
