i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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