I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
