in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You've changed since you got that strap on
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
