So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
