she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I know her cup size but not her name....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
