Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would ride that face into the sunset
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
