i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
