I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
