Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
