I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
