She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
