i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
