do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
