My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
