We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
