I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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