I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
