Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
