Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
