Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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