Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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