:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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