The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
