If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
