stop calling my apartment porn island.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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