college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
