soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
