I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
