and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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