I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've blown a few things in my day
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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