So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
