When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
