So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
