i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
