do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
