I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
