When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
