why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
