I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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