Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
