I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
