My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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