Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
