I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
