Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
