She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
