I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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