Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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