ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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