I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
