I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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