It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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