We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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