She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
