I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
