You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
