dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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