You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
