I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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