She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
