I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He felt like a one man threesome
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
