just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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