k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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