You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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